Austin Powers: To Save a Gundam Pilot
by GoryParatrooper
Summary: Austin has been taken from the cryo chamber and told about his mission. And who does Dr. Evil call in the ransom to? R&R if you want to see Mini-Me get punted by Duo!!
1. To Unveil a Stupid World Domination Plot

A/n: MUWAHAHAH!! RuneKnightPictures is back with a new story. Austin Powers meets Gundam Wing. I'm evil baby.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't' own Gundam Wing or Austin Powers. Throw me a friggin bone!  
  
RuneKnightPictures Proudly Presents: Austin Powers: To Save a Gundam Pilot  
  
Chapter 1  
  
To Unveil a New Stupid World Domination Plot  
  
We begin in the Starbucks headquarters in Seattle. Here we see the most idiotic group of world domination fanatics to date. Dr. Evil, Mini-Me, Number 2, Frau Farbissina, Goldmember, Fat Bastard, and Scotty Evil.  
  
Fat Bastard: I'm hungry.  
  
Eyes Mini-Me hungrily.  
  
Dr. Evil: Fat Bastard, you're always hungry.  
  
Mini-Me sticks his tongue out at Fat Bastard.  
  
Number 2: First, we should explain why we're in the year After Colony 197.  
  
Dr. Evil: Yes, but first. Come Mr. Bigglesworth!  
  
Mr. Bigglesworth runs to Dr. Evil.  
  
Dr. Evil: Go ahead.  
  
Number 2: 197 years ago, we had ourselves frozen so that we could come back and take the world over in the future. We just await one of your plans.  
  
Dr. Evil: Oh, I just thought of one. Using state of the art technology, we create 'space colonies'. Using these 'space colonies', we start a war with Earth.  
  
Dr. Evil gloats. So does Mini-Me.   
  
Number 2 shakes his head.  
  
Dr. Evil: It's already been done? Well, throw me a friggin bone!! I've been frozen for 197 friggin years. Fine, let's just kidnap their greatest heroes. That sound good?  
  
Everyone nods.  
  
Dr. Evil: Who are their greatest heroes?  
  
Frau: I've done the research, let me show you them. TURN ON THE MONITOR!!!!!  
  
Monitor turns on, showing the Gundam boys relaxing in a beach house.  
  
Number 2: It seems these teenagers piloted things called 'Gundams' to save the word.  
  
Dr. Evil: Great. Now, once we have them we'll restrain them with golden bonds. Hence the name, Project Gold Bond.  
  
Scott: Why don't you call it Project Foot Powder numb-nuts?  
  
Mini-Me lunges at Scott. Frau sprays Mini-Me with water.  
  
Dr. Evil: No one will be able to stop me. Now, any questions.  
  
Goldmember: Will I be able to paint their yahoos gooooold?  
  
Dr. Evil: How about, no you crazy Dutch bastard!  
  
Scott: Why are we in the Starbucks headquarters again?  
  
Dr. Evil: Him.  
  
Points to Rune, who is drinking a soda.  
  
Rune: Who got a problem with the Starbucks?  
  
Rune pulls out a twelve gauge and cocks it  
  
Scott: I like it, in fact it's my favorite base in the whole movie series.  
  
Rune: Good. Doc, he's more evil than you think.  
  
Dr. Evil: He's still the Diet Coke of Evil.  
  
The KKK guy from the Jerry Springer portion comes in and gives him the finger.  
  
Dr. Evil: Shut up! You were born out your mothers ass!! Now let's begin my plan.  
  
A/n: That was interesting. The Gundam boys are gonna get kidnapped? They are gonna get a big surprise. And yes, the G-Boys will make an appearance. In the next chapter, Abductions and Britain's Top Secret Agent.  
  
Omake for Rune, Pt. 1,  
  
RuneKnightPictures sits at a computer trying to write.  
  
Rune: What I need is a brake.  
  
At that point Misato Katsuragi, Maya Ibuki, Asuka Langley Soryu, Rei Ayanmai, and Ritsuko Akagi show up.  
  
Rune: Yeah baby!!!  
  
Misato: We're sad that you haven't written anything about Evangelion yet. And we love it when you do those sexy Mike Myers voices.  
  
Rune: Oh behave.  
  
Misato: That is why we must have you!!  
  
At this point Asuka has started massaging Rune's back while the others undress.  
  
Of course Rune hasn't seen this because he's fainted from a heavy nosebleed.  
  
Misato: Crap, well let's get on with it. Rits, start undressing him. Who's got the Swedish made penis enlarger?  
  
Maya: I do.  
  
Misato: Good, let's have some fun.  
  
I'll leave the rest to your hentai minds. 


	2. Abductions and Britain's Top Secret Agen...

A/n: The reviews are in! The people love my mojo. Though no one said anything about my omake, I'm gonna continue with more of my hilarious actions. This is easier to write than Frodo and Sam's Excellent Adventure. When we last left our evildoers of the month, they have decided to capture the G-Boys. How you may ask, Project Gold Bond.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Austin Powers. Throw me a friggin bone!  
  
RuneKnightPictures Proudly Presents: Austin Powers: To Save a Gundam Pilot  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Abductions and Britain's Top Secret Agent  
  
We once again begin in the Seattle headquarters where Dr. Evil and his minions have hatched their evil plan to capture the G-Boys. A new person is sitting at the table in military clothing.  
  
Number 2: I'd like to introduce to you, Oedipus. He is a Greek abductor who at one time kidnapped Ex-President Bush.  
  
Dr. Evil: That's good. How are you doing Oedipus?  
  
Oedipus: I could give a shit.  
  
Dr. Evil: You kiss your mother with that mouth?  
  
Oedipus: Yes.  
  
Dr. Evil: Of course you do.  
  
Dr. Evil pushes a button and Oedipus falls into the fire pit.  
  
Number 2: Now how are we going to kidnap the Gundam Pilots?  
  
Dr. Evil: Shit. Anyone got a backup plan?  
  
Frau: I do. Ehr Doctor, let me show you. BRING OUT THE FEMBOTS!!!!  
  
Five fembots comes into the room.  
  
Frau: They will kidnap the Gundam pilots.  
  
Dr. Evil: You go girl!!  
  
Everyone looks at Dr. Evil strangely.  
  
Dr. Evil: Just go do your job.  
  
---In a beach house---  
  
Each of the G-Boys is doing their thing: Duo's watching TV, Heero is reading, Quatre is drinking tea as usual (what the hell is in it?), Trowa is looking at specs of Heavyarms, and Wufei is practicing martial arts.  
  
Trowa: I'm bored. I wish that some women would show up.  
  
Heero: As long as it's not Relena.  
  
Duo: I hear that.  
  
Suddenly the doorbell rings.  
  
Duo: Coming.  
  
Duo opens the door and sees five gorgeous fembots waltz into the house.  
  
Duo: Hubba hubba.  
  
Smoke barrels come out of their jumblies.  
  
Trowa: What the fuck?  
  
Rune comes in and smacks him on the lips with a dead mole.  
  
Rune: No fucking language like that in my fucking fic. Understood?  
  
Trowa: Ooh, pretty birdies.  
  
Rune leaves mumbling.  
  
Fembots spray the place with pink gas.  
  
The G-Boys start falling like rocks.  
  
Quatre: This is better than the stuff in my tea!  
  
----London, England---  
  
An official looking guy (let's call him Bob for now) and Basil Exposition are walking down a hallway talking.  
  
Basil: So, Dr. Evil has come back and kidnapped the Gundam pilots?  
  
Bob: Yes sir, what is the plan?  
  
Basil: We have a person in storage for a moment such as this.  
  
They walk into a room with a bunch of frozen people in it.  
  
Bob: You don't mean....  
  
They stop in front of the tank with Austin covering his privates.  
  
Basil: Here he is, Britain's top secret agent. Men want him, and women want to be him.  
  
Bob: Are you sure you got that right?  
  
Basil: Are you questioning me?  
  
Bob: No.  
  
Basil: Good. Start the thawing process.  
  
We'll skip that part for now. We arrive at the part where Austin is supposed to take a whiz. Instead, he sits down and pulls out the funnies. For the next ten minutes all we here is loud groans and grunts.  
  
A/n: That's all for now folks. Next chapter, Austin learns about his mission and stuff. I hope to make them all as long as this one, but no promises.  
  
Omake for Rune, Pt. 2,  
  
Rune is running down the street, doing his own impression of Austin's Carnaby Street dance. He is nearing the part where he runs from a mob of women.  
  
Rune: Yeah baby!  
  
When the mob comes, Rune starts running. Unfortunately, Rune is a little too overweight to run very far.  
  
Rune: Holy shit!  
  
The mob of women falls on him in a frenzy of clothes tearing.  
  
Rabid fan girl 1: I got his shirt!!!  
  
Girl 5: I got his pants!!!!!  
  
Girl 2: I got his undies!!!!!!!  
  
In five minutes, Rune is alone and naked sporting a nosebleed.  
  
Rune: The horror...  
  
That's it for now. Love, peace, and chicken grease. 


	3. NOT RELENA!

A/n: Once again we are sucked into my sick and twisted idea of a fan fic. Last time, Dr. Evil's Fembots kidnapped the G-Boys. And in England, Basil Exposition revealed Britain's top secret agent. This is getting me pretty tense. I've changed the name of this chapter so forgive me.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Austin Powers. Throw me a friggin bone!  
  
RuneKnightPictures Proudly Presents: Austin Powers: To Save a Gundam Pilot  
  
Chapter 3  
  
NOT RELENA!!!  
  
---London, England---  
  
We are in a room reminiscent to the one Austin waked up in the first Austin Powers. In front of him are Basil and Bob.  
  
Austin: No one's smarter.... No on stronger....  
  
Basil: Austin, wake up.  
  
Austin: Oh dear God, it was all a dream!!!  
  
Basil: No, you were frozen again. Remember?  
  
Austin: Let me guess, Dr. Evil has come back again?  
  
Basil: Precisely.  
  
Austin: Smashing. What has he done this time?  
  
Bob: He has kidnapped the five Gundam pilots.  
  
Austin: Come again?  
  
Basil: Austin, you've been frozen for 197 years. A lot has happened.  
  
Austin: Pray tell.  
  
Basil: A year after they froze you, they constructed space colonies. Two years ago, there was a war and five teenagers piloted mobile suits called Gundams. Now, Dr. Evil has kidnapped them and is holding them hostage in the Seattle's headquarters of Starbucks.  
  
Austin: Hold up. Starbucks is still around?  
  
Basil: What can I say, people need their coffee.  
  
Austin: Yeah baby!! Who will I be working with? Vanessa Kensington? Felicity Shagwell? Or Foxy Cleopatra?  
  
Basil: Actually, you won't be working with a sexy partner this time.  
  
Austin: Why in God's name why?  
  
Basil: Because the author doesn't want to write about complicated stuff like that.  
  
Bob: Well fuck my ass and call me a bitch.  
  
Rune runs in and smacks him on the lips with his dead mole.  
  
Rune: When will people learn that naughty language like that?  
  
Bob is now seeing stars and is hereby no longer needed in this fic.  
  
Basil: You will leave immediately.  
  
---Starbucks headquarters, Seattle----  
  
The Gundam pilots wake up to find themselves restrained by golden chains in a cage above a pool of acid.  
  
Duo: Ah, hell.  
  
Dr. Evil: Welcome to my secret lair.  
  
Heero: Who are you?  
  
Dr. Evil: I am Dr. Evil. To my right is my number two man, Number 2.  
  
Duo's face brightens.  
  
Duo: I saw you in a really bad movie from a long time ago.  
  
Dr. Evil: No way!  
  
Quatre: I think it was called 'Austin Powers'.  
  
Dr. Evil: I can't friggin believe this! I was in a movie and I wasn't even payed? I am so calling Johnie Cochran on their asses!!  
  
Number 2 clears his throat.  
  
Number 2: Perhaps you should tell them about the ransom.   
  
Dr. Evil: Of course.  
  
Dr. Evil gets a phone monitor and dials. Relena answers the phone.  
  
Relena: Hello?  
  
Dr. Evil: Hello, I am Dr. Evil. Here behind me I have the 'Gundam' pilots captured.  
  
Relena: Heeeeeeeeeeero!!!  
  
Heero: YOU CAN KILL ME!!!!! JUST PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME TO RELENA!!!!!!!!  
  
Dr. Evil: I will give them back for the sum of, two million dollars.  
  
Insert dramatic music here.  
  
Number 2 clears his throat.  
  
Dr. Evil: I meant, the sum of two billion dollars. You have twenty-four hours. Goodbye.  
  
Dr. Evil hangs up the phone.  
  
A/n: End Chapter 2. Most triumphant. Will Austin get a sexy partner? Will Relena pay the ransom? All your answers in the next chapter: Infiltrations and Dutch Torture.  
  
Goldmember: Now can I paint their yahoos gooooooold?  
  
Rune: Calm down you crazy Dutch Bastard. 


End file.
